Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
