i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
