Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
