Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
