he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
