i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize