Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
