So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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