Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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