I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
