I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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