Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
