Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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