Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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