I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
