Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
