Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
