She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
