I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am naked and annoyed.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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