it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
nutella sex= disaster
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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