return my video game
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
