smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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