I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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