GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
