i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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