Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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