i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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