If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
