Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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