I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize