I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
