I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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