I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
