so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
