I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
