R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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