wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
