i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize