He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
