we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You can't just leave with hair like that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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