let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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