Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize