they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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