so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
