Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
