While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
