dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
