I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she smelled like a LAN party
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
