She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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