Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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