I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
nutella sex= disaster
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
