Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
