dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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