I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
