He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Success! We fucked roommates!
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