and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
