We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
