For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
