people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
