So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize