It was confusing and full of hummus
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
