Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
