the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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