Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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