just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
