oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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