Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
