Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
