Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize