thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
